Q: What shouldn't you watch while eating veggie pizza at 2 a.m.?
A: Pretty much any Mythbusters episode ever made.
One of my frequent and favorite late-night activities is watching Mythbusters while eating gourmet veggie pizza. For added authenticity, I live in Bloomington, Indiana, home of Jamie's alma mater. Sometimes while watching I'll wear my authentic Jamie beret from Alameda Army Navy Surplus.
I'm growing out my Jaime walrus mustache for Halloween. Nine months
ahead of time. While breaking in my red Converse high-tops. Let's just say I'm a fan.
There's just one problem: Mythbusters isn't very conducive to
late-night veggie pizza digestion. In fact, most every episode
involves fairly nasty uses of pig, cattle, and/or human remains. It's
all in the name of mythbusting, but that doesn't mean it goes well
with vegetarian nom nom. After watching two particularly barf-worthy
episodes back to back (Archimedes Death
Ray and Helium Football), I decided
to start a list of disgusting moments to fast-forward through in order
to keep down my kibble. If you are in a hurry, you can just scan
the bold text of each entry and the accompaning barf
factor (10 being most disgusting). I'll add additional episode descriptions
as time and naseau permits.
Archimedes Death Ray [Episode 46, aired January 25, 2006]
I thought I'd be completely safe watching this one. What could be more pizza friendly than an entire episode on using mirrors to ignite a ship? Yet, inexplicably, Tory manages to blend a cow brain, spread it on a bull penis, and tightly twist said bull penis into knots with the help of Kari, Grant, and a broom handle. I could barely keep my pie down during the brain milkshake money shot at 34:39.
I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried.
Robert Lee (narrator):
A long, thin, and springy penis is, according to Grant, ideal. 33:54
Dang. I'm going to make brain milkshakes today. 34:41
When to fast-forward:
33:22--34:28 handling the bull penis
34:39--34:45 brain milkshake (avoid at all costs)
34:46--34:56 painting the bull penises with brain milkshake
34:57--35:17 stretching the bull penises
Most Disgusting Scene: Watching cow brains slide down into the blender. 34:37
Barf Factor: 9.5
Helium Football [Episode 47, aired February 1, 2006]
After watching Tory hand-stretch a three-foot-long bull penis soaked in cow brains (see Archimedes Death Ray), I needed an industrial-strength unicorn chaser. Alas, this epi is even more disgusting than the previous. To test whether a person can catch a bullet in their mouth, Tory builds a rig out of a pig's head. When Tory starts using a power drill on the pig's skull, Kari turns green, claiming this is one of the most disgusting things she's ever seen. I agree.
Can we find a story where we don't work in dead animals? For real. 25:47
That is probably one of the most disgusting things I've ever seen, and I'm trying to stay in my happy place. 26:21
That is the creepiest looking rig. Made a meat puppet. 26:51
When to fast-forward:
25:57--26:08 purchasing the pig head
26:09--26:10 head in aluminum foil pan (avoid at all costs)
26:10--26:18 drilling the pig head
26:18--26:22 Tory holding snout
26:29--26:45 Tory demonstrating pig head rig (avoid at all costs)
26:46--26:52 Tory filing pig teeth (avoid at all costs)
26:53--27:10 Pig remains melting under studio lights (avoid at all costs)
27:18--27:30 High-speed shot of rod driven through pig teeth (avoid at all costs)
27:46--28:01 Rigging pig jaw to be shot with .357 (avoid at all costs)
28:16--28:34 High-speed shot of pig jaw being shot with .357 (avoid at all costs)
Most Disgusting Scene: Pig head in a pan 26:09
Barf Factor: 10
Last updated January 11, 2010
Please send cool links, broken links, and Other Things I Should Already Know About to Will